Available For Nothing

Calendar open. Energy completely closed.

Behold the patron saint of doing absolutely nothing, and doing it with total, unwavering commitment. This funny lazy-day tee features a wonderfully unbothered animal whose schedule is wide open and whose willingness to actually participate is firmly, permanently shut. It's a tee for the professionally unavailable — the nap enthusiast, the last-minute plan-canceller, the person whose ideal weekend is a flat, horizontal, do-not-disturb one.

The right gift for a chronic relaxer

Perfect for the friend who replies "maybe" to every single invite, a birthday gift for a proud and unapologetic homebody, or a self-purchase for anyone whose true love language is simply being left alone. Funny, deeply relatable, and aimed squarely at fun — never at people.

Comfort details and the basics

Cut from soft, heavyweight unisex cotton with a true-to-size fit, so your usual size is the easy move here. It's available in S–5XL, made on demand in the USA, and shipped within 2–5 business days. Keep it looking sharp wash after wash by turning it inside-out, washing cold, and tumble drying on low.

Good to know

Is the sizing accurate? Yes — true to size, easy unisex fit, S–5XL.
Good gift for a homebody? Practically tailor-made.
How fast is shipping? Made to order, then 2–5 business days from the US.